Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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