I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
