he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
