I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize