my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
