Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
