My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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