tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
