im six kinds of drunk right now
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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