I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
