ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
