My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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