Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
