I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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