drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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