What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize