I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
