i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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