I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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