i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Randomize
