Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize