bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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