Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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