I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize