Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
