it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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