There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
