This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
