So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
