You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
