I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
