i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
