the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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