well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
