I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
