Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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