she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
