wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
