I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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