If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
