I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Actions speak louder than pants.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
