I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
worst night to have a conscience
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
