dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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