I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
