those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
