We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
you made out with another girl for some wings
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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