I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
