you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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