she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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