im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize