I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
