Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
