You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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