so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
