If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
