I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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