I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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