if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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