I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
