My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
