The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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