im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
