he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
