Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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