1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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