i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
