I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
