I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
