Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize