do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
