If i come over, it means nothing
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
