what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
