Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
