don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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