I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
