My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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