I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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