I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
