I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My dad just said "fuck circus"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
