..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
