i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
