I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize